Last week I wrote about my encounter with Al Pacino, the famous actor, who seemed to possess the fluid, quirky “As If” personality, which is no personality at all. He shouted the iconic line “Say hello to my little friend!” in the film “Scarface” just before he blew some bad guys away. This film demonstrated his ability to merge with a character so thoroughly that it was impossible to imagine anyone else playing that part.
The “As If” personality also may have been the reason Will Smith crossed the stage and smacked Chris Rock in the face at the Oscars. Will Smith had immersed himself so thoroughly in the character of Richard Williams that he lost complete touch with his real self.
The truly great actors, including Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Christopher Walken, Joaquin Phoenix, and Jack Nicholson, all seem to have an odd quirkiness about them, suggesting that something is missing. A recent article in The New York Times about Hugh Grant, the famous British actor, touches on the same fluidity of character. As he grew up one of his teachers would incessantly ask him, “Who is the real Hugh Grant?”
Alfred Adler, was one of the founders of psychoanalysis and his most important contribution was the idea that our motivation to achieve things is an attempt to overcompensate for feelings of shame, smallness and weakness felt during childhood, the time when we were surrounded by much bigger adults and older siblings.
This idea of overcompensation influences success in many fields. Many of our greatest politicians grew up in poverty and hardship and overcompensated for this poverty and shame by seeking power. Bill Clinton’s father died before he was born, his mother was inept and his stepfather was an abusive alcoholic.
Richard Nixon had to witness the early death of two of his siblings, his father was cruel and argumentative and he suffered many early career defeats. These politicians were able to convert their earlier indignities into an impetus to excel at all costs. And it is no surprise that their overzealous overcompensation also led to their impeachments and Nixon’s loss of office.
Great athletes often have experienced severe loss and suffering in childhood and they do their best to convert that pain into a passionate will to win. Tiger Woods suffered extreme discrimination in childhood, entered an all-white sport and dominated it. And here again it is no surprise that his overzealous overcompensation led to huge problems both with drugs and women.
So the moral of this story is that you can take heart if you have suffered losses in childhood. These losses will provide you with the necessary fuel to achieve great things.
Humans have a unique way of converting their suffering into a gift. The quirky fluid “As If” personality of the actor enables them to be chameleons and change themselves into any role.
The weak, lonely, unloved child will have a great need to overcompensate, perhaps become a president and finally get the love he needs.
The shy, glasses-wearing, stuttering child like Tiger Woods can take his anger and become the most dominant, most powerful and the wealthiest athlete on earth.
The missing piece inside of us is the essential and the necessary ingredient to any success we can hope to achieve. It’s not about talent, its not about IQ, it’s not about luck and it’s not about connections. It’s all about proving that our own childhood had it all wrong. We are far more than the way we were treated.
