Post-Covid-America has its challenges and its worries. We can get inundated with stress due to income inequality, political polarization, the threat of AI, multiculturalism, the rising cost of college tuition, inflation, shame and envy. In our consumer-driven society, the new normal is anxiety, depression, hatred and paranoia. However, I bring you good news. It is possible to find happiness in Post-Covid America.
All you have to do is to listen to what the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, had to say on the subject. He was the first to admit that life can be difficult if not depressing, but he outlined the best way to live a life by defining the mature defenses one ought to live by. They include the following five:
- Humor: Humor makes life easier. Humor is of great value. Comedians are some of the highest paid actors on Earth. Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carey, Woody Allen and Adam Sandler are rich because they have the ability to make us laugh. Humor is of value because it allows us to transcend pain. Freud considered humor to be mankind’s highest level defense by allowing one to discharge emotions with individual discomfort and without hurting others. The exception to this rule was seen in the Oscars when Will Smith did not laugh at Chris Rock’s joke but instead smacked him in the face. But that is the exception to the rule. Usually, mature humor allows one to look directly at one’s pain and get beyond it.
- Altruism: Altruism is charitable works and allows one to achieve pleasure by giving to others. I recall the most enjoyable Christmas I ever spent was by taking my uncle, who was brain damaged, and my aunt, who had schizophrenia, into the city to see a Broadway play and then have dinner at Tavern on the Green. I learned altruism from my father, who would always bring two dozen donuts to the club every Saturday morning so that the other golfers would munch out and enjoy them. I got into the habit of doing the same when I got older and went to conferences. I gave a talk at a psychoanalytic conference this past weekend via Zoom and I was introduced by Dr. Paul Elovitz, who ran the conference. He said: “Here is Dr. Tom Ferraro about to speak. It’s a shame we are not doing this conference face-to-face this time since Tom would always bring those delicious donuts for us to enjoy.”
- Sublimation: Sublimation is what you are doing every time you play a sport, involve yourself in a hobby, paint a picture or plant something in the garden. It is defined as taking your basic sex or aggressive drives and converting them into a pro-social activity. In other words, instead of sleeping with your neighbor, you take up poetry. Instead of punching your brother in the face, you take up golf. Sublimation is what keeps civilization intact and what keeps us out of depression.
- Suppression: Suppression is a form of stoicism or the defense that allows one to delay, postpone and put off If one can suppress one’s fantasies about winning, you have more of a chance to stay focused and relaxed as you play. If you are able to suppress worry for a period of time, you can stay relaxed. The Asians are very good at using suppression to postpone worry or excitement. This may be due to what occurred during the Cultural Revolution or perhaps it derives from the practice of Buddhist meditation. Tiger Woods, whose mother was Thai, was a good example of an athlete who used suppression to the highest degree. He was able to suppress all thoughts during play and never choked. To give you a sense of what it feel like to be around someone who uses suppression well, I recall standing next to him on a putting green at Shinnecock Golf Club during the US Open. He was so focused that it was actually like I was not even there or was invisible.
- Anticipation: This means having the ability to plan carefully and prepare for any contingencies in the future. This is what they mean by “Murphy’s Law.” Murphy was a mountaineer who realized that if you did not plan for possible problems as you climb Mt. Everest, you will surely die if things should go wrong. Planning ahead is one of the secrets to success and a good way to find peace.
So there you have it. Freud told us many years ago if you want to find your measure of happiness in life, use humor, give to others, enjoy a hobby, suppress needless worry and plan ahead. You do those five things and you are showing mental health and maturity and you will find more happiness as well.
