Many of my younger patients ask questions about how to become cool  or more attractive to the opposite sex.  These questions are often asked by sensitive, quiet teens who have been bullied in the past. Outside of discussing the overall impact that bullying had on them, it’s hard to come up with an answer to the question: “How do I become cool?”

There are many examples of cool cats. My generation had Marlon Brando, a guy who looked like an angel but acted like a devil. Since he was an actor he probably acted his way into coolness.  Nowadays the younger generation would say Snoop Dog is cool, but he acts that way probably because he’s stoned half the time. Snoop Dog makes for a bad role model so we can’t use him.

Well, after giving this question some thought, this is what I have come up with. Here are the seven things you can do to become cooler and more attractive to the opposite sex:

• It may not sound “cool” but one way to be more attractive and therefore cool is to greet people with a nice smile. First impressions are half the battle in the game of cool and a nice smile is disarming to others.
• Make sure you spend some time figuring out what looks cool to wear. Do some shopping, spend some money on yourself. Never under estimate the power of fashion.
• Begin conversations by asking the other person how they’re doing. This is an easy thing to learn and a good ice breaker. Ask and listen to what they say. People will automatically say “Just fine,” but undoubtedly this is a statement of denial and follow up with the query “What have you been up to lately?”
• Many, many students and young adults tell me that education has no real value and is impractical. Much of the value of education is not apparent. The primary value of school learning is that it teaches you vocabulary and proper diction and others instinctively size you up by the way you speak and by the words you use.   So read newspapers, novels and non-fiction and as you get smarter you are becoming more attractive to others.
• Develop a passion for something. Whether you become a stamp collector, a golfer or a puppet maker, if you develop a passion for something, you will meet many like-minded people and coolness does not even come into the formula.
• Do as many interesting things as you can. When you go on adventures, travel, go to the movies or take a bike ride, you’re learning new things and thus will be able to tell stories to those you know.
• About 90% of verbal communication is body language. The sound of your voice, the volume with which you speak, your eye contact, and the animated way you move your hands and body as you speak makes all the difference.

If you want to be cooler, you can do  what I said. Dress better, greet folks with a smile, develop a passion for something, do more reading, and pay attention to your body language. All of this may not convert you into Marlon Brando, but it will make you more attractive.

Kids who are naturally quiet and sensitive are the ones who often will get bullied and are not a part of the cool group.  If you’re the quiet type, and are not getting invited to all those weekend parties, it pays to remember that the world is run by the quiet types. The quiet ones who spend more time alone, reading, studying and just plain thinking about stuff.

Creativity and all the new ideas in the arts and in industry never come out of the minds of the cool guys but instead come out of the minds of the quiet introspective ones. Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Mark Zuckerberg  are good examples of quiet types who spend time alone  thinking things over. So be proud of yourself.  You may feel lonely right now, but your time will come soon enough.