“Good news,” announced my husband to a friend taking a coffee break with us. “Have you heard? Our library might stop charging fines on overdue books.”

“Hooray!” I said. “I hate those fines. Somehow they just make me take even longer to bring back the books.”

“Forget about fines,” said our friend, who is a student of history. “We could follow the example of the Great Library of Alexandria.”

“Alexandria, Virginia? I didn’t know their library was so great,” I said.

“I think he means Alexandria from ancient times — in Egypt,” my husband whispered.

“Oh, right.” A dim memory returned from eighth grade geography. “Wasn’t that one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World?”

“Well, technically it didn’t make the list,” said our friend. “But it totally should have.”

“It was ‘one of the largest and most significant libraries of the ancient world,’” explained my husband, suddenly an expert thanks to that other great aggregator of knowledge, Wikipedia, with an assist from his iPhone.

“And you’ll never guess how they acquired such a magnificent collection,” continued our friend.

“With library fines?”

“No. By making everyone who came through port give them any books they had. Remember, books back then were all handmade, original, and scarce — so very, very valuable. And whenever a ship came into the harbor at Alexandria, the Library insisted on searching it for books.”

“Wow!” Here was a whole new mission for the Coast Guard to consider. “Heave to and prepare to be boarded. Never mind those drugs, we’re only interested in books.”

“And any books that the Library didn’t already have,” our friend continued, “they demanded be handed over for them to copy. Then they gave the copies back to the owners—and kept the originals.”

“They got away with that?”

“Apparently.”

My spouse considered the logistics. “That would be tough to accomplish even with a Xerox machine in the back room, but there was no such thing, of course. Just scribes. They must have had rows and rows of scribes, copying books all day. What a job!”

“Imagine,” I said, “if something like an early Bible came across their desks and they had to copy it while the ship was still in port. ‘You know,’ one scribe might have whispered to the next scribe over, ‘this God fellow seems quite the character — smiting people left and right, demanding huge sacrifices — Why so touchy? What’s His deal? I’d love to learn more about Him, but I can’t, not if I’m going to finish this book by Wednesday.’ ”

“There was no Wednesday in ancient Egypt,” nitpicked my husband. “It’s named for the Norse god Odin.”

“Ok, then — before Pharaohsday.”

“I’m sure every day was Pharaohsday.’”

“Whatever. You get my point. Would you like that job?”

“Not much. But I’ll tell you what job I’d like even less: handing back a copy to the captain who’d given me the original.”

“Good point. Why would anyone go to this place anyway?”

“It was probably the entrance for sailing anywhere up the Nile,” said our friend. “Think of it as paying a toll.”

“Just imagine if libraries behaved like that today,” I said. “‘Never mind your fine on “Fifty Shades of Grey”; let’s have that early folio of Shakespeare that I see peeking out of your glove compartment.”

“It’s a copy. I swear it!”

“And a very good copy it is, too. Where did you get it?”

“Here. The last time I came in.”

“Ah. You may pass. But no running in the granary.”

“Or what about a car dealer? You drive in with one car and leave with another.”

“That happens every day, Judy. It’s called a trade-in.”

“Yes, except in the Alexandria system. You’d drive in with a new car and leave with an old banger.”

“Yeah, that would suck.”

“What about shopping? While I’m looking at shoes, they swap my designer purse for a knock-off?”

“Or jewelry. They might take your engagement ring and return one that’s fake.”

“Feels like a crime.”

“Yeah, there’s no way this isn’t criminal,” said my husband. “But you say it worked for the Great Library in Alexandria.”

“Until it burned down.”

“Who could have seen that coming,” commented my spouse.

“Yes, and it’s a real shame,” I said. “Because what they should have done is put all the copies in the library, not the originals. Then they could have let it burn and collect the insurance money.”

“Wherever do you get such ideas?”

“From all the murder mystery books I’ve paid for — at the library!”